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cchms
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sunrise and sunsets!
being alone
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sumone
kaess. decided to update. always wanna but somehow juz dun wanna. not in gd mood ytd. after i got home. ah-duh. quarrelled with my mum again.. messy table. she wan see wad's messy is it??? damn lah. always pack pack pack until my textbook all die liaoz. cant find my chinese textbook. my sec 1 history ws. wtf larhs. then my bro ding zui. tio slapped and hit till his nose bleed. abusive sia. then he rebelled. obviously. then my mum started saying what his eoy report bk come back muz get all A. wanted to stop my mum from hitting him.. but my dad there. i've got chance against my mum. cause the hatrad burns like fire in my heart. but my dad.. i still love him. a little. despite him increasing my chances of getting lung cancer for the thirteen past years. and my dad's too strong. i still cant forget the handprint he left on my arm for a few days a few years ago. hahas. and my mum started to question my bro who taught him to "fan kang" then my bro replied my dad. then my mum exploded. practically. tgt with my dad. can't blame my bro for giving such replies. afterall he has been exposed to violence even before he knew and understand words. watch violent stuff. played FPS. runescape. adventure quest, soldier front... and everytime he did something a little wrong he tio "whoot" like... lawls. he's juz a little fearless. tt's all. juz a little loud. juz a little rebellious. but they have not thought that he have become what he has due to them. they think's his exposure to bad influence all these kinda shit. he's smart. and i think he knows the right from wrong. he juz wan attention. like all three of us. my bros and i. we juz wan some attention. thus we seek for it. attention despo at home i guess. cause all they do is force us do homework, cook, eat, wash. watch tv together silently. you get a little mouthy trying to describe to them what happened in school and they practically ask you to shut up. they dont know how much it hurt. then when you dont reply them with a satisfying answer they start screaming their heads off and spanking us. attention the wrong way. but better than none. it's juz this. we've no one to care for us anymore. we dont get the attention we used to get from our grandmother. all we want is juz some communication. but it seem impossible to get through the barrier. cause they juz cant understand what we're saying. it's like our words are of some alien coded message... sigh... is it that hard. communication's screaming, scolding. care's getting whacked. love's the unimaginable silence... it all seems wrong. too wrong. can't she juz make up for the time lost? for the past 5-6 years.where i seldom even see her. only when she dosent need to work. can't she spend more time talking to us. instead of talking on the phone with her friends for hours. cant she juz spare that little bit. i've realised im considered lucky. at least i've got my dad.personnal time in the morning. telling me all the beautiful knowledge he knows. sharing it with me. at least he talks. proper. not like my mum. all she does is telling us three of us to die or to get all A's. life sucks this way. it really sucks. u cant be certain whether she's your friend or enemy. your mum or your satan.sighh. at least i've friends. thinking of her. juz hurts. alot. despite my hate for her. it still hurt. unkowningly. hurt... one minute she treats you like she's juz unearth some treasure. the next she treats you like a pest eating up her crops. crazy. life's crazy, mad, insane. wonder how long this will go on for...
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